Mind: 7am, my little human alarm clock goes off, “Maaammmeeeeee”, “Maaammmmeeee”. Alexa and I open our eyes, smile and happily say “Good Morning” to each other. George didn’t say a word. Shortly after, while we brushed our teeth, I took another pregnancy test (I’m a good multi-tasker). It’s official, baby Whitehouse number 2 is on his/her way. George didn’t seem to care either way, which hurt. I expected some kind of reaction, specifically a positive reaction to match our positive result. Later while George made his coffee and I created Alexa’s “chocolate green drink”, I broke down explaining to him how I thought I’d at least get a crack of a smile from him. I sadly and selfishly went back upstairs, crawled into bed and laid there… thinking. First thinking about how I really wanted to be downstairs with my daughter, happy and laughing, but instead felt sorry for myself as I laid in a dark empty room somewhere in St. Maarten. I began thinking about our last pregnancy with Alexa and how alone I was. I only experienced a few short glimpses of love and support from George last time throughout the entire thing. He drank every night, padded his work trips and said some pretty hurtful things. I had to grab his hands and place them on my belly to get him to feel her kick. He just didn’t seem very interested. Overall, he was very distant. I was so alone. Am I going to have to go through this again? 15 minutes or so pass… George came upstairs and laid on my belly hugging me for a while in silence. Finally he said, “Of course I am happy. I promise to be supportive this time and to only drink sometimes.” Although I would have preferred an “I’m sorry. I AM really excited about having another baby with you. I will be supportive throughout the entire pregnancy and after. AND I will quit drinking completely and get help”, his long silent hug this morning said more than he said the whole pregnancy last time and I will happily take it. Wounded, cautious and a bit skeptic, I am determined to go into this pregnancy with open arms, pure love and complete trust in George.
Body: My uterus feels full. But that’s about it. My breasts have periodic peeps of tenderness, but are still in their minuet minuscule state. The waves of nausea have ceased for the most part and I actually don’t feel very tired over all. Only periodic boughts of extreme exhaustion that chocolate or other food seems to cure. Normally people would probably be pretty happy to not feel sick and tired, but I’m a little worried. I keep telling myself maybe it’s because this time the baby is a boy and there’s less Estrogen running through me. Truth is, we are only 4 weeks pregnant. It’s early. Most women feel nothing still at this stage. And anything can happen, so it’s important to remain positive.
My meals today: Just like the last pregnancy, only with greater conviction, I vow to eat a clean, organic diet, try to drink one - two fresh vegetable juices per day, meditate and exercise daily. I will log my daily routine mostly to keep my own ass in line, but also for anyone else who wants to follow in my footsteps.
Breakfast – Organic, Free-range, Cage-Free Cheese Omelet & four organic Strawberries
Lunch – Organic sautéed turkey breast on romaine lettuce, tomato, cucumber and raisins with white wine vinegar/olive oil/garlic/salt/pepper dressing
Snack – 2 squares of vegan dark chocolate; homemade trail mix (plain cheerios, raisins and peanuts)
Dinner – Beats, goat cheese and walnut salad with viagrette dressing; salmon with spinach, steamed broccoli, carrots and green beans
LOTS OF WATER!
Exercise: 40 minute swim; abs; push ups
Spirit Power: Honestly, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on our new little poppy seed this week. Alexa has another kidney infection and I’m worried sick. The Doctor’s decided she will now definitely have surgery as soon as possible, April 19. In all the stress, George and I are bickering about his drinking, about Alexa’s diet, pregnancy support, you name it. Time to switch gears! I’m so grateful for my loving, devoted, helpful, caring husband. He is my rock. I couldn't do all I do without him. I love him dearly and only want what’s best for all of us. I want us all to be healthy, happy and addiction-free. Yoga, praying and meditation are my saviors right now. I’m focusing on giving all my love and healing energy to Alexa and also savor some love and energy for our little poppy seed. I am also imagining my love and healing energy flowing through George to give him strength. I’m worried about Alexa, worried about this new little baby, worried about George’s addiction, yet so excited about our potential new adventures. Imagine if… Alexa comes out of this surgery stronger and healthier than ever and the whole experience is actually easier than we expected. Imagine if George beats his addiction with ease and can stay sober for weeks, months or even years. Imagine if we give birth to a healthy, beautiful child November 11, 2011 and Alexa is so in love with her little sibling, Kai. Imagine if we sell our Boca house for more than what we owe and purchase the home of our dreams in a more quiet, family oriented community, a beautiful 4 bedroom home on the water with a pool. Imagine if we find a great deal on a beautiful 4 cabin 65+ foot catamaran and live on the boat for months on end in many beautiful areas of the world. Imagine if our entire family is happy, health conscious, sober, multi-lingual, active in water sports, rock climbing, biking, running, golf, sailing, swimming… we live life to the fullest in so many wonderful destinations around the world… in Tanzania, Bali, Fiji, New Zealand, Thailand, Bora Bora, Palau, Italy, Spain, France, Germany, America, Greece, and all the power places in all of the world.
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