6 Weeks, 5 days

Mind: Overwhelmed with bills, finances, school work, Alexa's surgery, Rybovich work, freelance work, house work, Alexa’s doc appointments, broken A/C, sick cats, George being out of town for so long, babysitter issues, house guests, and basically overwhelmed with life in general.

Body: I’m exhausted and sooooo nauseous now.  Way worse than I ever was with Alexa.  The nausea kicked in full blown about 4 or 5 days ago.  I’m pretty much eating a vegan diet, but mostly because even the thought of ANY ANIMAL PRODUCT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE VOMITTING!  Cheese included!  My diet for the last 5 days consists of oat bran cereal with almond milk, rice cakes, bananas, sparkling water, peppermint tea, plain baked potatoes, plain pasta with red sauce, and peanut butter or almond butter sandwiches.  I try to eat veggies every day at some point, but I’m not always successful.  I sneak in blueberries and strawberries into my cereal for some antioxidants.  Cheese, yogurt and all meat are completely disgusting to me right now.  I’ve forced myself to eat the occasional organic free-range egg sandwich, but it’s not easy.  And a cliff protein bar seems to suit me some days, but I don’t want to eat too many because they are made with soy protein.

My nausea is extremely bad late at night and first thing in the morning.  Then throughout the day it is bad, then not so bad, then really bad again.  Somewhere around 3 or 4pm, I seem to do best, so I try to work my ass off during those times.

I’m not exercising much at all which is making me feel worse.  I feel soft and gooey, like I’m getting out of shape fast.  I have to make myself run or swim or do yoga every day.  I have to.  I have to.  I have to.  I will.  I am.

Spirit: I miss my hubby.  Alexa misses her daddy.  He won’t be home for another 14 days.  Trying to stay positive and optimistic.  Trying to remember to be grateful for everything.  Even the little things.  Although it’s tough on me right now, I know it’s very temporary and so worth it.  We are blessed to be pregnant with another child.  When this one is born, our family will be complete.  Alexa will have a sibling for eternity to share love, support, hopes and dreams with.  We will all travel the world freely and openly giving and receiving love to all.

6 Weeks

Mind: I’m feeling really down and overwhelmed today.  I fell asleep last night alone in my bed thinking about Alexa’s upcoming surgery and it is obviously still deeply weighing on my mind.  So, I tried out a new yoga studio this morning only to suffer through the most disappointing yoga class I’ve ever taken in my life.  Half way through the class I considered pretending I had morning sickness and running out, but I stayed out of respect for the instructor and hoping to get something out of it.  Then came home to find… ugh…. I’m not even going to go into it.  I’m just so irritated today and feeling really down and overwhelmed.

Body: To top it all off, I feel super bloated today.  Even my fingers are swollen!  Did I put too much sea salt on my rice and beans for lunch?  Am I not drinking enough water?  Ugh.  I am so uncomfortable.  My lower back is very achy and I feel so fat.  My jeans are tight and I’m exhausted.

Spirit: I need proper exercise, meditation and rest.  I’m severely craving a long run, long swim and a challenging, light-hearted yoga class.

5 weeks, 6 days

Wow.  I didn’t mean for almost two weeks to go by without an update.  Life has sucked me in, tossed me around and spit me out over the last two weeks.  We moved from St. Maarten back to Florida and hit the ground running the second we walked in the door.  I’ll spare you the details.  Pregnancy-wise, over the last 12 days, not much has changed. 

Body: Most days my energy levels are still just fine.  In fact, I ran 5.5 miles yesterday with no problems at all.  I had a noticeably low energy day last Sunday, like I ran a marathon when I literally only ran 4 miles, but other than that, my energy is great.  My skin is clear and normal.  (Last time I distinctly remember my face mutating into teenager skin during this time, oily, zits, the works, but maybe I was just extra stress as well)  My eyes are bright.  My poops are normal again.  My lower belly feels like it’s protruding some and some of my pants feel a little snug, but no one can tell.  My weight is consistently 119 lbs which is only maybe a pound or two difference from before I became pregnant this time.  My lower back and uterus constantly ache (dull ache) most days, like I’m on day one of my period or something.  No nausea really at all.  Every so often a slight nauseous feeling creeps up, but then I just eat a handful of almonds and I’m completely fine again.  That nausea feeling only comes around once every 4 or more days and lasts literally 5 minutes.  My breasts seem a bit more tender and a bit fuller, but nothing too uncomfortable.  I noticed my body shape seems to be a bit broader too.  Like I’m a bit boxier or something.  My diet is good.  Mostly vegetarian.  My diet consists of things like: avocado/cheese/cucumber/tomato/whole wheat toast sandwiches with raw carrots, strawberries or sliced green apple with almond butter; brown rice with chic peas, black beans and cranberries; oatmeal with flaxseed, bananas, almond milk and nuts; veggie fajitas; dried fruit and nuts for snacks; things like that.

Mind: We still haven’t told anyone about this pregnancy.  My first appointment is April 5^th when we are predicted to be 8 weeks prego.  We will definitely keep it a secret until then, but maybe even longer so we can get through the 12 week safety marker.  We’ve already decided on our names for both a boy and a girl, but plan to keep the sex of the baby a secret to everyone until he/she is born.

Spirit: George is being such a sweetheart.  He’s not drinking during the week in support of this pregnancy and constantly concerned about how I feel.  He’s such a wonderful husband.  We are so in love and so happy to be having another baby.  My life is everything I’ve ever wanted right now.  We are all so happy.  Daddy G is gone for the next three weeks traveling for work, so we miss him more than words can say.  Still we skype and talk on the phone every day.  Life is good.

Zits on My Ass and Loads of Laughs

Mind: Alexa is feeling much better, thank God. George is being so sweet and living up to his promises.  My mind is becoming more at ease.

Body: Uterus is still feeling full and sticking out slightly.  My boobs are a little more sore, but just barely.  I have energy still mostly, which is great.  My poops are getting harder.  Yes, I know it’s gross to talk about, but they are and I want to record it so other pregnant women reading this won’t feel alone when their poops get really hard really early on too.  This just means we need to drink even more water!!!  On another gross note, I couldn’t help but let out a few extra farts today in the ocean while I was swimming carrying Alexa back to the boat in the very surgy waves.  I blamed it on the fish.  Oh, and I have zits on my normally zit-free ass.  Ooooo, sexy.

My meals today:

Breakfast – 1 organic, free-range, cage-Free hard boiled egg & ½ cup of plain fat-free organic yogurt with honey

Lunch – Veggie goat cheese rainbow salad with walnuts and two sliced of multigrain bread on the beach

Snacks – 2 spoon fulls of peanut butter, 2 squares of vegan dark chocolate, wheat-free pretzel sticks dipped in humus

Dinner – Homemade eggplant parmesan

LOTS OF WATER!

Exercise: hour and a half yoga class; 10 minute ocean swim

Power Spirit: After Alexa’s doctor’s checkup this morning, Heather, Margarita, Jamie and I scurried off to a gorgeous beach front yoga class in Grand Case.  Words can’t describe how spiritual it was.  But the car ride back was the highlight.  I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.  Boy did I need those laughs.  I’m so grateful to have girlfriends, so grateful to have a healthy daughter and so grateful to have a loving, devoted husband.  What would I do without these special people in my life?

The Day My Period is Supposed to Start (It's Official, We Are 4 Weeks Pregnant)

Mind: 7am, my little human alarm clock goes off, “Maaammmeeeeee”, “Maaammmmeeee”.  Alexa and I open our eyes, smile and happily say “Good Morning” to each other.  George didn’t say a word.  Shortly after, while we brushed our teeth, I took another pregnancy test (I’m a good multi-tasker).  It’s official, baby Whitehouse number 2 is on his/her way.  George didn’t seem to care either way, which hurt.  I expected some kind of reaction, specifically a positive reaction to match our positive result.  Later while George made his coffee and I created Alexa’s “chocolate green drink”, I broke down explaining to him how I thought I’d at least get a crack of a smile from him.  I sadly and selfishly went back upstairs, crawled into bed and laid there… thinking.  First thinking about how I really wanted to be downstairs with my daughter, happy and laughing, but instead felt sorry for myself as I laid in a dark empty room somewhere in St. Maarten.  I began thinking about our last pregnancy with Alexa and how alone I was.  I only experienced a few short glimpses of love and support from George last time throughout the entire thing.  He drank every night, padded his work trips and said some pretty hurtful things.  I had to grab his hands and place them on my belly to get him to feel her kick.  He just didn’t seem very interested.  Overall, he was very distant.  I was so alone.  Am I going to have to go through this again?  15 minutes or so pass… George came upstairs and laid on my belly hugging me for a while in silence.  Finally he said, “Of course I am happy.  I promise to be supportive this time and to only drink sometimes.”  Although I would have preferred an “I’m sorry. I AM really excited about having another baby with you.  I will be supportive throughout the entire pregnancy and after.  AND I will quit drinking completely and get help”, his long silent hug this morning said more than he said the whole pregnancy last time and I will happily take it.  Wounded, cautious and a bit skeptic, I am determined to go into this pregnancy with open arms, pure love and complete trust in George.

Body: My uterus feels full.  But that’s about it.  My breasts have periodic peeps of tenderness, but are still in their minuet minuscule state.  The waves of nausea have ceased for the most part and I actually don’t feel very tired over all.  Only periodic boughts of extreme exhaustion that chocolate or other food seems to cure.  Normally people would probably be pretty happy to not feel sick and tired, but I’m a little worried.  I keep telling myself maybe it’s because this time the baby is a boy and there’s less Estrogen running through me.  Truth is, we are only 4 weeks pregnant.  It’s early.  Most women feel nothing still at this stage.  And anything can happen, so it’s important to remain positive.

My meals today: Just like the last pregnancy, only with greater conviction, I vow to eat a clean, organic diet, try to drink one - two fresh vegetable juices per day, meditate and exercise daily.  I will log my daily routine mostly to keep my own ass in line, but also for anyone else who wants to follow in my footsteps.

Breakfast – Organic, Free-range, Cage-Free Cheese Omelet & four organic Strawberries

Lunch – Organic sautéed turkey breast on romaine lettuce, tomato, cucumber and raisins with white wine vinegar/olive oil/garlic/salt/pepper dressing

Snack – 2 squares of vegan dark chocolate; homemade trail mix (plain cheerios, raisins and peanuts)

Dinner – Beats, goat cheese and walnut salad with viagrette dressing; salmon with spinach, steamed broccoli, carrots and green beans

LOTS OF WATER!

Exercise: 40 minute swim; abs; push ups

Spirit Power: Honestly, I’ve had a hard time concentrating on our new little poppy seed this week.  Alexa has another kidney infection and I’m worried sick.  The Doctor’s decided she will now definitely have surgery as soon as possible, April 19.  In all the stress, George and I are bickering about his drinking, about Alexa’s diet, pregnancy support, you name it.  Time to switch gears!  I’m so grateful for my loving, devoted, helpful, caring husband.  He is my rock.  I couldn't do all I do without him.  I love him dearly and only want what’s best for all of us.  I want us all to be healthy, happy and addiction-free. Yoga, praying and meditation are my saviors right now.  I’m focusing on giving all my love and healing energy to Alexa and also savor some love and energy for our little poppy seed.  I am also imagining my love and healing energy flowing through George to give him strength.  I’m worried about Alexa, worried about this new little baby, worried about George’s addiction, yet so excited about our potential new adventures.  Imagine if… Alexa comes out of this surgery stronger and healthier than ever and the whole experience is actually easier than we expected.  Imagine if George beats his addiction with ease and can stay sober for weeks, months or even years.  Imagine if we give birth to a healthy, beautiful child November 11, 2011 and Alexa is so in love with her little sibling, Kai.  Imagine if we sell our Boca house for more than what we owe and purchase the home of our dreams in a more quiet, family oriented community, a beautiful 4 bedroom home on the water with a pool.  Imagine if we find a great deal on a beautiful 4 cabin 65+ foot catamaran and live on the boat for months on end in many beautiful areas of the world.  Imagine if our entire family is happy, health conscious, sober, multi-lingual, active in water sports, rock climbing, biking, running, golf, sailing, swimming… we live life to the fullest in so many wonderful destinations around the world… in Tanzania, Bali, Fiji, New Zealand, Thailand, Bora Bora, Palau, Italy, Spain, France, Germany, America, Greece, and all the power places in all of the world.

8 Days Post Ovulation… or something like that.

Mind: I slept in until 8:45am, which is super late for me these days when Alexa usually gets up between 6:30 and 7:30am like clock work.  George got up with Alexa this morning around 7:15am, because I was soooo oddly exhausted I barely moved when she began singing “Maaammeee, Maaammeeee, Up”.  At 8:45am, after getting ready for the day and dosing up with a chapter of Rhonda Byrne’s “The Power”, I came downstairs, sat down next to George and Alexa in the living room, and started to tear up.  "I think I am pregnant", I told G.  He said, "why do you think so? "This is what you wanted, right?" Ignoring the why part of his question... I replied, "Yes. This is what we both wanted. But our concerns are still here, only now, there is a strong chance, this is it… there’s no floundering anymore, there’s no going back".  Could this be it?  Could we be pregnant?  Last time, on my birthday when I became pregnant with Alexa, it happened the first time “we weren’t careful”.  Could it have been that easy again?  After G left for work, Alexa and I walked to the local Dutch pharmacy to purchase a pregnancy test fully under the impression I could take it maybe tomorrow morning 3 to 4 days before my period is supposed to start.  Can’t you do that in America with First Response or some other test like that?  Well, apparently the Dutch do it old school and only sell pregnancy tests you take no sooner than the day you miss your period.  Eddie Vedder’s lyrics “The waiting drove me mad!” echo through my veins.

Body: Normally, I feel a sort of sharp twinge in my ovary when I ovulate each month.  I didn’t feel it this time.  And George and I didn’t bother trying to track it with any sort of contraption or whatever people use… like before, we are just winging it.  Today, oddly enough, I feel “the ovulation twinge” and an intermittent feeling in my uterus/lower back like my period is coming… today, though it’s not due to start for 4 or 5 more days.  I’ve had waves of nausea the last few days as well.  I went diving in Saba this weekend with a girlfriend and started to feel sea sick on the ferry on the way back to St. Maarten.  Me, sea sick?  Not a very common thing for me, especially when the boat is moving.  As a matter of fact, I’m a bit nauseous right now and I’m sitting at a desk on land!  I just finished lunch, literally just took the last bite of my organic homemade whole wheat toasted cheese sandwich with vegan organic “butter” and fresh organic cucumber slices shoved between the gooeyness.  Yes, cucumbers… coupled with a small bowl of organic vanilla yogurt washed down with a glass of unsweetened vanilla almond milk.  I really wanted an organic peanut butter and banana sandwich with almond milk, but to my surprise, when I opened the fridge, the peanut butter was missing, eaten right out from under my nose.  Sneaky bastards. (I mean that in the kindest way) ;-)

Spirit: Although I value a good book in hand, I’ve been obsessed with audio books lately.  When you travel as much as we do, an audio book verses a real book seriously lightens up your load.  Especially when you are a freak like me “reading” four or more nonfiction books at the same time.  I recently finished two books by Caroline Myss “Your Primal Nature” and “Energy Anatomy”, I’m currently listening to “French for Dummies”, and I’m on my second round of Rhonda Byrne’s “The Power”.  Although each one of these books has given me great insight, the most powerful in a most peaceful way is the audio book I’m half way through now, “How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life” by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.  “What is our human value when we live with no show of compassion, no show of concern, just killing and eating animals, and fighting and killing thousands of people? It is our responsibility to clean up the mess.” – His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is so peaceful, soft, kind, compassionate, tolerant… I am inspired, strongly into practicing this ultimate compassion.  A daily practice, a constant practice, is the way.  Refraining from eating animals, from consuming too much, focus on balance, awareness, daily meditation, living in the now, this is my passion, my pregnancy practice and beyond… 

Ok, so I couldn’t help it… in the spirit of living in the now … I just took the pregnancy test 4 days before my period is even due.  Are we pregnant?  What do you think?