37 Weeks, 3 Days – FULL TERM and READY TO POP!

I feel like dog poop.  Really.  Completely uncomfortable.  So worn out.  Weak.  Emotional.  Crampy.  Depressed.  AND in pain.  I haven’t been sleeping at all.  Partly because I am so horribly uncomfortable sporting severe back pain, hip pain and menstrual-like cramps when I try to sleep and partly because I’ve been so swamped with work I haven’t had much time to even attempt to sleep in the first place!

I went to another ultrasound scan yesterday and learned the baby flipped… THE OTHER DIRECTION… SHE DID A 180!  She is still transverse, just butt at my right rib cage and head at my left now!  WTF?!?!  The ultrasound doc said this is very bad this late in pregnancy because if my water breaks there is nothing to stop the umbilical cord from falling through and cutting off the baby’s oxygen and nutrition supply.  EEK.  He suggested we do an amneothesis to check her lung development and do a c-section right away.  To make matters worse, he said the baby is measuring really, really big.  The ultrasound technician kept saying “Look at those chubby cheeks and fat little arms.  You have a little sumo wrestler inside you.”  Ummmmmm.  I’m not sure if I am too happy about this for a multitude of reasons… first of all, why is she so fat?  I haven’t been eating bad.  I’ve been eating mostly pretty healthy, really… well, maybe I have been eating chocolate every day, but not loads of it or anything!  And second, even if she moves into a proper vertex position, can my body even birth a 9 or 10 lb baby??!??!  When I told G how big she is measuring, he giggled and said, “I really don’t see how little ‘ole you could have a child that big.  I just can’t picture a 9 or 10 lb baby coming out of you!”  Glad he has a sense of humor about this.

Next, was my regular OBGYN doc appointment.  She also did an ultrasound and saw the cord looked like it might be wrapped around the baby’s neck and that is why she can’t move into a normal head-down position!!!! OMG!!!! If I wasn’t freaked out enough before, I am completely freaked out now!  My blood pressure was 116 over 80 which is high for me since the whole pregnancy I’ve been 100 over 60.

Even with the concerns presented, the OBGYN said we will take things day by day and not jump the gun on a c-section quite yet.  She told me to try to remain positive about a healthy VBAC, but not to be too disappointed if I end up with another c-section.  Not too reassuring… I’m trying to remain positive about both situations without mentally sabotaging myself and my baby by creating a c-section situation through the power of my mental fears.  This is super tricky.  I dare you to try it.

G couldn’t go with me to either appointment.  He usually can’t go since he works so much.  Thankfully my Mom is here now and so she went with me this time.  George has been working like crazy at the boat show day and night.  Alexa saw her Daddy for a total of 5 minutes this morning and begged him not to leave.  It was so sad.  Usually, George has been leaving before she wakes up each day and doesn’t get home until she’s in bed each night.  L  He finishes with the boat show stuff this Monday and then he is debating on going to a Rybovich executive 3 day golf trip the end of next week!  I am really not happy about it, but ultimately it is George’s choice.

When I broke the “good” news to George about my two doctor’s appointments, it took all I had to choke back my tears.  Normally, I am NOT the kind of person who runs to the doctor or hospital for pains or whatever even while pregnant.  I usually will stick it out for probably longer than I should before finally contacting someone (usually a friend) to ask if what I am feeling is normal.  However, now, after hearing both doctors’ comments and concerns yesterday, I told G that I might turn into one of those freak-a-zoid pregos who rushes to the hospital when I haven’t felt the baby move in an hour or if some kind of odd abdominal pain scares me.  I am just beside myself now that this baby might be strangled by my own umbilical cord!

Ok, trying to turn all this negativity and fear into a positive… I am still standing on my head a few times a day and listening to positive birthing mantras on my ipod at night in an attempt to get her to move into the correct position.  I am talking to this little life inside of me and praying for her daily.  Now that the boat show has started, my work load should begin to ease up a bit by the end of this weekend.  And maybe G will start to understand that going away on a work golf trip when your wife is 39 weeks pregnant, and now a high-risk pregnancy, might not be the smartest move.

Maybe my next blog I will be writing about my happy, peaceful birth experience and posting pictures of my beautiful, healthy little angel.  Until then…

35 Weeks, 3 Days

Last Thursday, George and I excitedly attended the much anticipated 34 week ultrasound in ENGLISH.  Yay!  We can finally see our baby and communicate to the technicians and doctor about any questions or concerns we have been harboring since our last 20 week French scan.  We walked into the ultrasound office confident things were most likely perfectly normal and the baby is in position ready to be birthed.  We were oh so excited to have a more enriching ultrasound experience being that we could communicate better with American docs than what we received in France this summer with the communication barrier.  Don’t get me wrong, the French ultrasound scan was good, high tech and all, but the language barrier created some uneasiness as to our individual outcome.  We were very excited to be able to communicate better this time.  Well… expectations shot… that’s not exactly how it went down.

As the scanner began making its gooey way across my swollen belly, the young and rather cold technician began by telling us the baby is in a transverse position.  WHAT?!?!? Confused, I said, really?  Well, that’s not good, right?  She continued by agreeing that this position is not good and showed us the baby’s head smashed up against my right rib cage and her little butt smashed against my left rib cage.  Her legs and arms are having a grand ‘ole time kicking and punching me with the extra room on the entire lower part of my belly.

Let me back up with a little fetal position education… in case you are not aware, most babies turn into a head down position, called the vertex position, ready to be birthed by around 30 weeks.  Some rare babies turn breech instead meaning feet down, head up, but can actually be birthed vaginally in a breech position if they stay that way until the end.  However, many c-section happy doc’s won’t allow a vaginal breech birth.  Extremely rare is the transverse baby where the head is neither down or up and instead sideways.  Babies in transverse position CAN NOT BE BORN VAGINALLY NO MATTER WHAT.  Not to mention, this position is extremely painful for the mother since there is way less room going side to side in the uterus than top to bottom.  I literally feel like my ribs are breaking constantly especially on my right side.  It is a constant dull aching pain with intermittent sharp jolts of pain when she tries to move.  And now my upper right side of my back is causing constant excruciating pain as well.  To say it bluntly, this completely sucks!  All I want is to have a normal, healthy, calm, peaceful vaginal birth.  A birth where I can connect with my baby immediately after she comes out.  A birth where we can all enjoy the benefits of delayed cord clamping and no pain medicines, pitocin or epidurals.  A birth with calm music and dim lights verses the bright and loud surgical rooms.  I want to avoid the major surgery of a c-section that includes the horridly long and painful recovery and instead experience a natural birth with little to no recovery.  I don’t want my baby to be ripped out of me and whisked away for an hour or more while they sew me up.  I JUST WANT TO HOLD MY BABY THE MINUTE SHE EXISTS MY BODY!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!  But this little baby laying in transverse position is threatening any chance of a peaceful delivery and any chance of that oh so important immediate mother/child bonding.

After the initial shock and disappointment learning the baby is transverse, the technician began to look for all the relevant body parts.  One leg, two legs, one foot, two feet, one arm, where’s the other arm?…. As the technician struggled to find the other arm, instead of keeping her concerns quiet, she blurts out “did you actually see both arms in your 20 week scan in France?”  What?!?!? Again… I began to tense up and freak a bit… “Ummmmm, I am pretty sure we saw both arms and legs, right honey?”  George didn’t say a word.  He just stared at the monitor watching what the technician was doing.  She then started to look for the heart and once she found the heart, she coldly said, “how thorough was the ultrasound doc in France when he looked at the heart?”  The tone of her voice implied that she was seeing something disturbing with our baby’s heart.  We both quickly piped in and told her “the doc is France was very through to our knowledge and his ultrasound machine was better than this one you are using.”  She seemed to get a bit defensive and refused to answer any more of our questions.  She continued looking at different body parts on our baby in silence and then left the room stating the doctor will come in to talk to us.  Five minutes later, the doctor comes in and says he wants to do the scan himself before he talks to us.  As he repeated the scan, his voice was a bit nicer and more compassionate, but still hesitant.  He mentioned that he was having difficulty seeing things, but that he had no reason to believe anything was actually wrong.  He just couldn’t see much.  He said our 12 weeks scan with him looked really good.  I said to him I can show you the scan from France and he quickly replied with “I don’t look at other doctor’s pictures.”

George and I walked out of there feeling waaaay worse than before.  Forget the transverse position… most importantly is our child okay?  Does she have two arms?  Is her heart okay?  How could someone be so cold as to scare the crap out of us like this?  The second I got home I pulled out the images of her 20 week French scan and began searching for photos that included both arms and any images I could find of her little heart.  Thankfully, there were a few photos that showed two elbow and two hands, so I’m sure there must be two healthy arms connecting to them and her heart seemed to show a healthy pump with four chambers.  I’m sure the French doc would have told us if he saw anything abnormal.  What a shitty ass American technician!  What a bitch!

Since we found out a week ago about the transverse position, I’ve gone to 3 chiropractor appointments, another doctor check up, another ultrasound, had the “Webster Massage Method” done on me 3 times, I’ve been burning some weird incent thing on my little toe, I’ve done acupuncture on my other little toe, AND I’ve been standing on my head and laying inverted as much as I can all in between doing my massive amounts of work for Rybovich preparing for the Fort Lauderdale International Boat Show and my two freelance jobs as well as taking care of Alexa, the house and meals while George is out of the country yet again this time playing golf in Spain!  Ahhhhhhh… ok, Big breath…. Ok, I’m glad I got that all out.

I would post the pictures from our 34 week ultrasound, but it is so not worth it.  The scan photos are shit.  I’m sure everything is fine, but I’m still praying every day.  Praying for a healthy baby, praying for a healthy delivery and hoping this little munchkin decides to turn into proper birthing position soon.

34 Weeks, 2 Days

And so the swelling begins… Sausage fingers, prego face and an 11 lb gain in only 6 weeks!!! Almost double the average expected weight gain.  Eek!  The photo below isn’t me and it isn’t my cat either, but I sure can relate right about now…

33 Weeks, 3 Days

33 Weeks!

Each day simultaneously feels like it is creeping and flying.  The ripping pain in my sides, constant thirst, and all-night hourly pee breaks, coupled with Alexa’s all-night, night-terror Mommy comfort needs, is making for long, long nights.  Yet my days quickly swirl out of control as I run circles in panic mode finding myself at the end of the day stunned as to where the time goes.  Still, somehow, I manage to feel completely unproductive at the end of the day.  Ok, B-r-e-a-t-h-e Alyssa… well, that would be easier if I wasn’t battling a bad cold complete with achy muscles, sore throat and headache.

Truth is, the pregnancy itself is probably physically easier than it was when I was pregnant with Alexa.  Although my sides feel like they are going to rip open with pain so strong it’s left me in tears, I’m not swollen, I’ve only gained 25 lbs so far, my back pain is not as severe as before, and I am having no problems with carpal tunnel like I did before.  What is making this pregnancy feel more difficult is the exhaustion associated with parenting a head strong toddler who constantly tests my limits and worse, I’m parenting her alone.  George has been separated from us for about 17 days now.  Thankfully he will be home at the end of this week, but only for 10 days.  Then he’s off to Spain again.

Honestly though, my emotions are the biggest killer right now.  Pregnancy hormones, lack of sleep, and end of pregnancy exhaustion/pain, has left this normally extremely patient, conscious mother intolerant, edgy and irritated.  And the guilt associated with my lack of patience with Alexa is unbearable.  I’ve shed many tears as of late.  What’s eating away at me most is my normally good sleeper has developed night terrors and is consistently taking an hour and a half or more to go to sleep each night and insisting that I lay with her until she falls asleep.  And this is after we spend an hour taking a bath, brushing teeth, getting ready for bed, and reading a few books.  The entire process is exhausting!  After this long dramatic going to sleep routine, I can expect to be woken up not once but sometimes twice during the night as she cries for me wanting me to lay down with her again and again to help her fall back asleep.  As you can imagine, this gets more and more difficult the more uncomfortable I become in this pregnancy.  As I lay in her bed with her night after night, visions of me trying to get Alexa to sleep for hours while trying to take care of a newborn simultaneously while George is gone traveling swarm my head and my impatience with Alexa grows.  Lately, after hours and still she is awake, talking and begging me not to leave her, I end up raising my voice at her, becoming very stern insisting she stop dottling and go to sleep.  It is a fight that breaks my heart to engage in with her.  But what am I to do?  The new baby is coming soon.  I’m running out of time!!  But here’s the real question…running out of time in what respect?  Am I running out of time because I feel I have to push Alexa to be independent, to face her fears to go to sleep on her own again and I only have 6 weeks or less to do it in OR am I running out of my time with my precious Alexa because soon she will be too grown up to ever want to snuggle with me again?  My sweet, beautiful, caring child wants to snuggle with me at night.  How can I get angry with her for that?  Even if it takes 5 hours to get her to sleep each night, I should cherish these moments.  Tears flow again.  I feel like such a horrible, ungrateful mother.  Some day soon I’m going to miss these moments and sadly I am afraid that day might be coming all too soon.  This baby is coming in 6 to 7 weeks.  Am I ready for this?  I miss my little Alexa already…

31 Weeks, 4 Days

I'm getting super big really fast and carrying really, really high.  My upper ribs are bruised from the inside, I'm sure of it.  Things are good.  Really good.  Really fucking busy too.  Honestly, even though I have so much to share as of late, I can't write any more than this.  I'm too tired.  Must shut down the computer.  Must sleep.  Just know, I feel good, Alexa feels good, baby feels good, we miss G and it's been an insanely productive week.

Weird angle, but you get the point - bigger and bigger from one week to the next...

30 Weeks, 4 Days

Getting bigger...

29 Weeks, 2 Days

George has been the biggest sweetheart since his return from his last yacht charter voyage.  Such a nice change.  Not that he was a jerk before or anything, just distant, withdrawn, unaware of the baby growing in my belly other than the fact that I am getting fat and ridiculous looking.  I think he realized while he was gone this last time, the little time he has left with Alexa and I before we are separated again for another 3+ weeks.  In between work obligations, he is really making an effort to spend quality time with us.  It is so nice and I am grateful for his effort and this time we have together.

Alexa and Daddy G have both reached out these last few days rubbing and hugging my belly and talking to the little angel inside.  Alexa is so sweet, when she sees my naked belly she hugs and rubs my belly, then says, “Your belly is getting big Mama.”  A much nicer approach than what her Daddy has done in the past giving me a disgusted look and saying “You are getting reeeaaally big!”  Ouch!  Alexa knows the baby will arrive in November and she tells me almost every day how excited she is to help take care of her little sibling.  She is going to be a great big sister.

Physically, I am trying to watch my weight like crazy and still I seem to be gaining a bit too much weight these days too fast.  One morning I get on the scale and I weigh 138 lbs.  the very next morning I weigh myself and I weigh 140 lbs!  What?!?! How the crap can I gain 2 lbs in a day?!?!?  As you can tell, when I say I am watching my weight, I mean literally watching it on the scale… not actually changing my diet a whole heck of a lot to quash the rapid weight gains.  Each day that I have that extra bread or half a block of cheese or ice cream or chocolate, I say out loud, “this is the last time I can do this, otherwise, I will not be happy when it comes time to try to loose the weight after baby.”  However, cravings are stronger than my willpower, so ice cream, chocolate and half blocks of cheese seem to sneak in a few times a week none-the-less.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I cut out the protein shakes, but my stomach cramps have remained.  I fear the baby is just squishing my intestines meaning I am doomed to suffer from these horrible intestinal cramps 4 to 6 times a day condemned to probably get even worse throughout the remainder of the pregnancy regardless of what I consume.  Not fun.  So, last night I resumed the protein shakes.  What the hell… they are organic protein shakes with organic soy or organic almond milk, so it’s not like they are all that bad.  And I am honestly concerned about my protein intake this time.

I don’t have a big appetite for some reason this pregnancy and when I do get ravenous, I eat a small amount and then feel like I’m going to either vomit or explode.  Like yesterday in Antibes, for example, after the owners at the French veggie restaurant were less than welcome to us, we decided to eat lunch at a Thai restaurant.  I ordered summer roles, tom yum lemon grass soup and vegetable green curry.  Well, I ate my small bowl of tom yum soup first then one of the three summer roles and I was engorged!  Still I managed to squeeze down a few bites of the vegetable curry and after, some chocolate ice cream.  Then later, after painfully waddling around for the rest of the afternoon, I couldn’t even imagine eating a proper dinner.  Hence, the protein shake last night.  The protein shake was my dinner.  Oh, and a couple slices of full fat cheddar cheese (correction, almost half a block).  I really need to get a hold of this cheese and ice cream problem of mine.  Here’s some pictures of the last two days… enjoy!

A Day Full of 28’s and Other Odd Ramblings

Today, August 28, I am 28 weeks prego, Alexa is 28 months old and I keep thinking I am still 28 years old.  Ha!  Well, that is on my good energy days and today thankfully was a good energy day.  But, sadly, every few days I am so exhausted I feel like it is too much to even stand up straight, like I’m 82 years old or something.  On my bad energy days, the daily chores of doing dishes, doing laundry, sweeping the floors, wiping the counters, cooking and grocery shopping all suffer.  And my time with Alexa turns into one morning outing, arts-and-craft afternoons and evening movies.  That’s all I can handle.  It truly feels like a struggle to change over a load of laundry or empty the dishwasher or take Alexa swimming on those dreaded days.  And my work suffers too.  The second Alexa finally falls asleep at night I have to go to bed too on those low energy days.  I can’t bare to stay up another minute to push out any Graphic Design.  I am constantly doing the Alexa, work, chores, rest juggle.  I did not struggle with these low energy issues when I was pregnant with Alexa.  Only in the first trimester was my energy low, but this time… I have low energy 5 out of 7 days in a week.  9 to 11 more weeks of this “chronic fatigue”.  Yes, yes, I know, after baby is born I will be sleeping even less and juggling more.  I get to step into an entirely different exhausted mode taking care of a new born and a toddler.  But, at least MY BODY won’t be this exhausted anymore.  I’m looking forward to the challenge.

I’ve been tracking my weight a bit more closely this time and despite the fact that I feel like a manatee, since 8 weeks of pregnancy, I have only gained 14 to 15 lbs.  What the doc’s don’t know is that in the first 8 weeks of pregnancy I actually gained 6 lbs making a total of about 20 lbs so far, but we are not going to count that until after baby is born and I am trying to get to my pre-pre pregnancy weight again.  I look in the mirror and see BIG.  George can’t look at me naked without laughing and looks everywhere else but in my direction when I’m laid out on the beach like a beached whale or attempting to bounce my fat ass and watermelon belly around the waves with Alexa.  But, when strangers find out I am 7 months pregnant, they are shocked saying things like, “Wow! You are small!  You don’t look 7 months pregnant at all!”  Am I smaller than I was at the same stage with Alexa?

I’m not sure, but I definitely remember having to take my rings off at 27 weeks of pregnancy last time as my fingers slowly mutated into sausage fingers.  This time, I have no problems with swelling so far and I am doing everything I can to keep it that way.  I’ve completely cut out salt out of my diet and I am pretty sure I am drinking more water than I did last time, lots more.

Another drastic change in my diet from last pregnancy to this one is my protein intake.  I am definitely consuming way less protein than I did before, however, still being careful to get an appropriate amount daily.  Any animal product is tough on my digestive system this time making me think this little one will surely be a vegetarian like her mommy.  I am eating free-range, organic eggs pretty regularly as well as yogurt, cheese, the very occasional fish and other vegetable source protein (and unlike last time, I’m excluding soy for the most part).  Concerned about my protein intake I recently started drinking organic whey/soy protein shakes once a day.  I tried this the first trimester of this pregnancy and it made me vomit.  With Alexa, I drank these whey/soy shakes daily with no problems.  I actually looked forward to them mixing in bananas, berries and other yummy additions filling two large cups of the stuff for my breakfast each morning.  This time, this baby, hates it.  My stomach has been seriously messed up since I started back on these shakes and I’m only drinking a fraction of what I drank last time in the day.  Here’s the gross part, since I started on these shakes I haven’t had a real poo in a week and instead a couple times a day I am getting diarrhea style cramps in my intestines only to sit on the pot for extended periods of time over and over while only small semi-solid drops of poo appear… sometimes.  My poor little butthole is sore and I wonder if I might be getting the dreaded pregnancy hemorrhoids.  I’ve never had them before... is this what it is like?  These intestinal cramps are awful.  I would rather have any other pain than intestinal pain.  Labor better not feel this way.

It must be the shakes since I haven’t changed anything else in my lifestyle or diet.  This baby does NOT like animal products, period.  My Mom thinks it is in my head.

I’ve continued trying to drink this stuff for a week hoping my body would either get used to it or hoping maybe it isn’t the whey or the soy causing my pain, but alas my intestines hurt and my butthole hurts … so no more whey protein shakes for me!

One last little note… a bird pooped on my head this morning at the park and three days ago a jelly fish stung me all over my baby bump and back.  I really think the animal kingdom is trying to tell me something.

28 Weeks, Au revoir French Doc, Merci

The last and final French Doc appointment is complete and not without a few minor miscommunications, but that was to be expected.  She confirmed everything looks great with the pregnancy.  No toxoplasmosis as of a month ago, no abnormalities to be seen in the echographic, no gestational diabetes, iron levels look normal again, I’m gaining the proper amount of weight (maybe even too many lbs over the last month) all is well.  Our miscommunication occurred when I was not able to get my last and final toxoplasmosis blood test.  Something they normally do every month in France since it is more common here,  but only one test for toxoplasmosis per pregnancy in the US.  At the lab, since I entered without a prescription for the test, I decided to avoid getting into an argument in French with the lab tech, one I would most assuredly loose and quickly walked out at the first sign of “You need a prescription”.  Tempted to skip being stuck by a gloveless woman who smells like old alcohol one more time, I decided not to return to the doc to ask for the missing prescription and instead chose to walk to few miles back to the villa.  However, thoughts swarmed my head during my walk home about all my potential toxoplasmosis exposures over the last month.  Like the mussel appetizer that gave me a small dose of food poisoning for 24 hours AND the super friendly stray cat in Biot that ran up out of no where and began rubbing her sweet little cat body against mine and Alexa’s legs tempting us to pet her AND the accidental visit to the old fashioned organic free-range farm with chickens, roosters, geese, ducks, cows, pigs, horses and donkeys also tempting us to pet them while we trampled through their poo.  However, despite all these close calls with possible toxoplasmosis exposure, I feel fine and Alexa has loved on all these beautiful animals without coming down with the slightest bit of a toxoplasmosis symptom.  Therefore, I think it is probably okay that I skipped out on the last sketchy pricking.  I am debating on asking for a toxoplasmosis test back in the states for my 32 weeks check up though… just to be safe.

27 Weeks, 6 Days – Third Trimester Terrors

I’ve been fighting off waves of terror about having another child.  What are we thinking?  Or more accurately, what am I thinking?  It is already so difficult to keep up with George traveling this much with one, how am I going to do this with two?  Constantly moving to new places, to foreign countries, and attempting to live in them, blending in like normal (sore thumbs), is more than a challenge, it is out right difficult and lonely.  And when G is gone, I am left to handle the whole lot alone.  And as if the constant traveling wasn’t difficult enough, I also work an outside Graphics job.

The baby is basically due to arrive any day between October 25^th and November 22^nd.  Between 37 weeks of pregnancy and 41 weeks of pregnancy.  After a taxing French summer, Alexa and I fly back to Florida on September 10^th and will be home alone until George leaves France to join us in early October.  Then, when I am 36 weeks pregnant, October 12^th through 16^th, he flies back over to Europe, to Spain, for the Pinmar Golf Tournament.  When I am 39 weeks pregnant (if I am even still pregnant by then), George is supposed to fly up to North Carolina for three days for a Rybovich executive golf meeting.  Yeah, cutting it pretty close, I know.  I’m kind of freaking out about that one.  Thankfully he did tell me he will not attend the METS trade show November 14^th through 18^th in Amsterdam this year.  Damn straight he better skip AT LEAST that one!

After November, George’s next work trip is to the Caribbean, to Antigua, for the Antigua Charter Yacht Show December 3^rd through 11^th when the baby is only a few weeks old.  We expect him to be home with us for the holidays and then in January he is off again to the Caribbean, St. Thomas, St. Maarten and the B.V.I.’s.  February and March will be similar with George gone for work trips in the same Caribbean islands mentioned earlier and also in St. Barths for a week to two week increments.  June will most likely be an entire month of separation or longer unless I fly back over to France with our baby and our toddler for another attempt at living in a foreign country with kids.  Of course, this is all subject to change and if it does change, the change will most likely cause more travel and/or more separation.  Do I sound bitter?  Do I sound like I am bitching or trying to play the pitty card?  I really don’t mean to.  I do feel blessed, very blessed and grateful for having the opportunity to have a family with a wonderful man and a life full of adventure.  I knew what I was getting into when I fell in love with his traveling spirit.  In fact, that is a big part of why I fell in love with him.  I am a traveling spirit too and love change and adventure.  But, it is getting increasingly difficult to do this mostly alone with a toddler, soon two children.  I won’t dare admit my fears to George now since all of these concerns were discussed numerous times before we decided to have one more.  But as the time grows near, I find myself trying to imagine my schedule with two, trying to find balance in providing enough love and devotion to an infant and a toddler mixed with traveling extensively, finding time for house work, exercise, meals, my job(s) and… should I dare say it… will there be ANY chance of personal time?  Time to learn software necessary to advance and keep up in my career, time to go to the occasional yoga class or go for a run or do what I really want which is train and race some triathlons?  Will I have time to get the occasional pedi or study foreign languages or take an art class?  Gulp!  I am afraid the answer might be NO for a while.  I know that sounds so selfish… concerned about my own time, my own sanity, but it IS very important.  However, worse than making time for myself is the fear of how am I going to spread my love, devotion and time equally among both kids making both feel loved, cherished and adored?  And George… I need to make sure he knows I love and adore him too.  When we are home for a few months at a time, I manage to usually find a little babysitter help, but when we travel, I am completely alone trying to balance all this stuff.  These are my third trimester terrors.  These are the things I dare not admit to George for fear of the dreaded, “I told you so” or “You are the one who said you could handle it.”  The truth is, I CAN handle it.

27 Weeks

26 Weeks, 3 Days

I write this blog in between massive guzzles of water as I am deathly afraid I feel the swelling coming on again already.  I seem to be okay when I wake up in the morning thin-ish, rings fit, etc., but by the evening rings are off, the tops of my thighs begin to touch, and my feet feel like balloons.  Every time I pass by a mirror or see a photo of myself, I cringle desperately afraid of seeing the puffy cheeks / swollen eyes / double chin monster from the last two months of my last pregnancy.  So far, that monster hasn’t stared back at me and I’m doing my damndest to avoid her return even if it means I visit the potty literally every 20 mins 24/7.

My belly is slowly getting bigger.  There was a large jump in my belly size during the 5^th month, but it seems to have slowed a bit.  I think most people can probably tell I’m pregnant now, but then again, I kind of blend in with the classic older Italian and French generation on the beach with their skinny arms and legs sticking out of a wine-filled pot belly kind of resembling an alien of some sort.  Most people still don’t dare make a comment just in case.

My energy levels are hit and miss.  Some days I feel great, considering, and others I feel like I ran a marathon when all I did was make breakfast.

My skin is clear, dry as can be, but clear none the less.  I have now resorted to regularly lathering up my entire body with my anti-stretch mark “belly butter” just to keep my skin from shedding like an albino python.

I’m having calcium issues again with brittle nails and possible cavities sending shooting pains through my molars.  I don’t drink milk, but I do eat hard cheese and plain bio yogurt.  Tofu and soy also have loads of calcium, but I don’t eat much of that.  Kale and fortified OJ have calcium too, but… they are hard to come by in So France.  So… I’m on a mild calcium supplement again.  I hope it helps.

It seems I tend to battle with getting accurate amounts of protein, calcium and iron.  How can anyone fit all the nutrients needed into a short 24 hours?

I try to squeeze in some light weights, yoga and/or walking each day, but sometimes that is difficult when I have little help with Alexa and she is on the fringe of giving up her daily nap.  I am anxiously counting the days until I return to Florida where I can go to a gym and sweat… AND drink my fresh squeezed organic green juices.

I pissed 3 times just in the time it took me to write this blog!

Over 6 Months Dead Cold Sober… again.

Only a couple sniffs of wine and an occasional less than a lick on my tongue of G’s wine in over 6 months.  Well, maybe I had two little licks of a French rose on my 35^th birthday, but really less alcohol on my tongue than from my mouth-wash.  Honestly, this forced sobriety was more of a huge deal last time I was pregnant since I used to enjoy my wine more before kids, but still… another 6+ months and going strong is something to be proud of regardless.  I find it somewhat difficult being in European wine country watching my hubby regularly enjoy varied varieties of succulent vin.  But then again, it is so nice to be clear, conscious, awake, and hangover-free all the time.  After a while, you really don’t miss it anymore.  Well… maybe I do still miss a glass of wine on occasion… and cappuccinos… and sushi… and ceviche… Ok, back on the subject… did I mention I am thinking clearly?  Ha!  Hardly with my prego-brain, but still more clear than the guy next to me with a hangover.  Anyway, I’ve become so used to no alcohol this time that when I finally found a French antioxidant juice that resembles wine, my initial ecstatic reaction was soon replaced by an almost guilty feeling.  One sip and I had to double check the bottle to make sure there truly is no alcohol in it.  Yes, it is true… alcohol free, purely a juice blend not even disguised as a non-alcoholic wine.  Just a simple organic antioxidant fruit juice blend I happened to pick up at the local Bio Organic market in Juan les Pins made with the juice of organic aqui berries, blue berries and pomegranate.  This stuff blows away that crap they sell in the US labeled “alcohol-free” wine or “Aerial alcohol removed wine”.  Plus, this is organic, full of antioxidants and so good for me and baby.  At only 6 Euro a bottle, this is a steal over here!  You can barely buy bottled water for this price.  Still, I have this weird guilt complex about even finishing one glass… much the same as when I attempt to drink the extremely occasional non-alcoholic beer.  Regardless, it is good and something I might want to continue to drink after baby is born.  I’ll bring some home with me for anyone who wants to try some.  Let me know.

24 Weeks, 5 days

Another Frenchy doc appointment and Hellish Frenchie labwork down, two more to go.  Mrs. French OBGYN freaked when she took my blood pressure… “It’s not even 10!” she anxiously proclaimed.  “No wonder you’ve been so tired!”  First of all, WTF does 10 mean?  Did she mean 110?  I asked her what I should do about it and she said, “Eat more salt.”  What?  Eat more salt?  Are you crazy woman?!?! I’m pregnant and last time towards the end I blew up like the bitchy gum chewing chick in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory who turned into a blue berry!  I’d like to try to avoid having swollen feet, face and eyes again not to mention kankles and sausage fingers.  Plus, I do eat salt anyway, just not piles of it.  Concerned by her reaction, I walked the few miles back to the villa and called my doc back in Florida to ask her opinion on the matter.  A nurse from home called back and explained to me that my blood pressure is normally 100 / 64 and that I just have low blood pressure.  Nothing to be concerned about and as a matter of fact, something I should be happy about.  This is not the first time a strange doctor has freaked out about my blood pressure being low, but this IS the first time I was pregnant when a doctor freaked out about my low blood pressure.  So, I had to get a little reassurance from my comfort zone back home.  To add to the drama, on every Frenchie OBGYN visit I am forced to go down to this sketchy lab to get blood taken since I apparently have no immunity to toxoplasmosis and this time they wanted to check my iron levels too.  After struggling to communicate with the staff who don’t know even one word of English, I was stuck with a rather large needle in my right arm by a glove-less woman who reeked of alcohol.  She must have had a few glasses of vin on her lunch break.  As it turns out, my low blood pressure is NOT the reason I’ve been exhausted so much in this pregnancy.  Nor is it because I am chasing a toddler around 24/7 with little to no help and working my butt off for two clients.  Apparently, I am also anemic!  Yes, fucking anemic.  Can you believe it?  I actually suspected low iron could be the culprit this time due to my strange cravings of grapefruit juice, seaweed salad and spinach.  Unfortunately seaweed salad is impossible to come by in So France and so I am devouring spinach lately like Popeye on steroids.  Spinach salads, spinach in my pasta, spinach sandwiches, spinach ravioli, spinach in my eggplant parm… why so much spinach you ask?  Because I am NOT going to consume dead animal flesh from an innocent cow or lamb just to get iron and risk heart disease and other health concerns for me and my unborn child.  *Hummmm… maybe that is one reason I have low blood pressure.  Just a little food for thought*.  Ok, so there is a more simple way to combat iron deficiency, I know, take iron pills.  Well, I tried that too.  The doc prescribed to me an iron pill a day to go with my prenatal vitamins.  I took it the first night and the next day I felt weaker and dizzier than before plus had a raging headache.  And I NEVER get headaches!  And sorry to mention this but I was constipated for 24 hours and when I finally pooped, not only did it cause my poor little butthole to bleed some, but the poo was tar black!  Disgusting.  Me, personally, I’d rather eat loads of spinach, drink extra grapefruit juice and throw in some seaweed into my diet than suffer from more weakness, headaches, constipation and bleeding black tar poos.  But, hey, that’s just me.  I hope you enjoy these pics of my ever growing belly.  George laughs when he sees me naked.

21 Weeks, 3 Days

Today is my appointment for the fetal anatomy scan 9:45am.  I’m so nervous and excited I am almost in tears.  I could barely sleep last night and almost feel depressed.  Normally, I wouldn’t be very nervous and especially not in tears or depressed about this exciting moment, but the added challenge of going to a strange doc mid-pregnancy for a very important test, a doctor I’ve never met or spoken to before in a country I can’t speak the language and don’t understand the protocol is terrifying.  What if something is wrong with the baby and I can’t understand the doctor?!?!  We somehow found the office amidst the crowded streets of Cannes.  9:25am and the streets are already littered with model-type people shopping among the walls of designer stores.  With no parking available as far as the eye can see, I quickly hopped out of the car to run up to my appointment.  G and Alexa parked and met me up in the office about 15 minutes later.  The entrance to the doc’s office is empty, sterile, no A/C, an old building.  There’s no receptionist, so you help yourself into another small, sterile room where many other beautiful pregnant people wait quietly with their significant others.  Every twenty-five minutes or so, someone would leave the patient room next door and the doc would stick his head out just enough so we could hear him call out the next person “Madame Dubois”.  After waiting an hour after my allotted appointment time and watching many women come and go, I decided to hover in front of his patient room to catch him when he cracked the door to call out the next “Madame …”  When I saw him, I asked in the best French I could, “Whitehouse?”  He said, “Madame Whitehouse?  You were supposed to be here yesterday!”  What?  How did this happen?  Panicked I asked, “Can I reschedule?”  He looked through his appointments and he was booked solid for what seemed like quite a while.  He then said, “Can you be back here at 6pm?  Relieved he was a nice guy and spoke some English, we left to run a few more errands and prepare to return at 5:45pm.

We weren’t going to find out the sex.  I mean, keeping it a secret from ourselves only to find out the moment the baby is born seemed so exhilarating and like such an adventure.  But on the way back to the French Doctor in Cannes, George suddenly turns to me and says, “We might as well find out.”  I’M SOLD!  All my anxiety about going to this VERY IMPORTANT fetal anatomy scan (aka echographic) in French was replaced with sheer excitement.  I do know the French words for boy and girl (garcon and fille) and also the French words for he and she (il and elle), so even if I can’t understand anything else the doc says, I WILL GET TO FIND OUT THE SEX OF THE BABY!

Again, there was no parking… and again… We waited almost an hour until we heard, “Madame Whitehouse”.  We jumped up and went into the very nice, clean, dim-lighted, high-tec patient room.  I lay down on the bed facing a large flat-screen TV.  G and Alexa sat next to me anxiously watching the screen.  The doc typed in a couple pieces of information about me, my full name, birth day and due date and then began scanning my belly.  THERE’S THE BABY!  Bouncing around like crazy.  A little utero karate master like Alexa was.  No more hammock position.  This kid is a rock-star jamming and jumping as much as possible inside that crowded little space.  Most of the scan was conducted in silence besides some spoken mixture of French and English body parts periodically.  I just kept asking, “Is that normal?”  He would shake his head yes, smile and say, “normal.” G was quiet as a mouse and tending to Alexa, so when we were about half way through I said, “Can you tell if the baby is le garcon or la fille?”  He moved the scanner just slightly to show in between the baby’s legs and said…

“A Girl… I’m sure!”  Alexa’s going to have a little sister!  Although 51% of me wanted one of each, I really wasn’t sure what I would do with a little boy anyway, so after a few minutes of sinking in, I couldn’t be happier to have another little girl.  Two of a kind.  I never had a sister and I hear the bond between sisters is something that is irreplaceable.  Something so special.  He then started showing us pictures on the TV screen of her face in 4-D.  She looks soooo much like Alexa did at the same stage with her cute little round face and button nose.  My heart is melting.  My girls!

On the way back to the villa, we talked about our soon to be adventures with two girls and reinforced each other that there will be no more kids for us after this.  I’m not the kind of person wanting to try again and again for a boy.  I’m happy with two girls.  My little angels.  After knowing she is a girl, within hours a name begun to stick.  One I wasn’t sure about before, but now… it seems to fit her like a glove almost like she is naming herself.  Are you curious?

20 Weeks, 5 & 6 Days

Hiking in Zermatt, Switzerland

19 Weeks, 6 Days

Juan les Pins, France on the Cote d'Azur