27 Weeks, 6 Days – Third Trimester Terrors

I’ve been fighting off waves of terror about having another child.  What are we thinking?  Or more accurately, what am I thinking?  It is already so difficult to keep up with George traveling this much with one, how am I going to do this with two?  Constantly moving to new places, to foreign countries, and attempting to live in them, blending in like normal (sore thumbs), is more than a challenge, it is out right difficult and lonely.  And when G is gone, I am left to handle the whole lot alone.  And as if the constant traveling wasn’t difficult enough, I also work an outside Graphics job.

The baby is basically due to arrive any day between October 25^th and November 22^nd.  Between 37 weeks of pregnancy and 41 weeks of pregnancy.  After a taxing French summer, Alexa and I fly back to Florida on September 10^th and will be home alone until George leaves France to join us in early October.  Then, when I am 36 weeks pregnant, October 12^th through 16^th, he flies back over to Europe, to Spain, for the Pinmar Golf Tournament.  When I am 39 weeks pregnant (if I am even still pregnant by then), George is supposed to fly up to North Carolina for three days for a Rybovich executive golf meeting.  Yeah, cutting it pretty close, I know.  I’m kind of freaking out about that one.  Thankfully he did tell me he will not attend the METS trade show November 14^th through 18^th in Amsterdam this year.  Damn straight he better skip AT LEAST that one!

After November, George’s next work trip is to the Caribbean, to Antigua, for the Antigua Charter Yacht Show December 3^rd through 11^th when the baby is only a few weeks old.  We expect him to be home with us for the holidays and then in January he is off again to the Caribbean, St. Thomas, St. Maarten and the B.V.I.’s.  February and March will be similar with George gone for work trips in the same Caribbean islands mentioned earlier and also in St. Barths for a week to two week increments.  June will most likely be an entire month of separation or longer unless I fly back over to France with our baby and our toddler for another attempt at living in a foreign country with kids.  Of course, this is all subject to change and if it does change, the change will most likely cause more travel and/or more separation.  Do I sound bitter?  Do I sound like I am bitching or trying to play the pitty card?  I really don’t mean to.  I do feel blessed, very blessed and grateful for having the opportunity to have a family with a wonderful man and a life full of adventure.  I knew what I was getting into when I fell in love with his traveling spirit.  In fact, that is a big part of why I fell in love with him.  I am a traveling spirit too and love change and adventure.  But, it is getting increasingly difficult to do this mostly alone with a toddler, soon two children.  I won’t dare admit my fears to George now since all of these concerns were discussed numerous times before we decided to have one more.  But as the time grows near, I find myself trying to imagine my schedule with two, trying to find balance in providing enough love and devotion to an infant and a toddler mixed with traveling extensively, finding time for house work, exercise, meals, my job(s) and… should I dare say it… will there be ANY chance of personal time?  Time to learn software necessary to advance and keep up in my career, time to go to the occasional yoga class or go for a run or do what I really want which is train and race some triathlons?  Will I have time to get the occasional pedi or study foreign languages or take an art class?  Gulp!  I am afraid the answer might be NO for a while.  I know that sounds so selfish… concerned about my own time, my own sanity, but it IS very important.  However, worse than making time for myself is the fear of how am I going to spread my love, devotion and time equally among both kids making both feel loved, cherished and adored?  And George… I need to make sure he knows I love and adore him too.  When we are home for a few months at a time, I manage to usually find a little babysitter help, but when we travel, I am completely alone trying to balance all this stuff.  These are my third trimester terrors.  These are the things I dare not admit to George for fear of the dreaded, “I told you so” or “You are the one who said you could handle it.”  The truth is, I CAN handle it.