8 Days Post Ovulation… or something like that.

Mind: I slept in until 8:45am, which is super late for me these days when Alexa usually gets up between 6:30 and 7:30am like clock work.  George got up with Alexa this morning around 7:15am, because I was soooo oddly exhausted I barely moved when she began singing “Maaammeee, Maaammeeee, Up”.  At 8:45am, after getting ready for the day and dosing up with a chapter of Rhonda Byrne’s “The Power”, I came downstairs, sat down next to George and Alexa in the living room, and started to tear up.  "I think I am pregnant", I told G.  He said, "why do you think so? "This is what you wanted, right?" Ignoring the why part of his question... I replied, "Yes. This is what we both wanted. But our concerns are still here, only now, there is a strong chance, this is it… there’s no floundering anymore, there’s no going back".  Could this be it?  Could we be pregnant?  Last time, on my birthday when I became pregnant with Alexa, it happened the first time “we weren’t careful”.  Could it have been that easy again?  After G left for work, Alexa and I walked to the local Dutch pharmacy to purchase a pregnancy test fully under the impression I could take it maybe tomorrow morning 3 to 4 days before my period is supposed to start.  Can’t you do that in America with First Response or some other test like that?  Well, apparently the Dutch do it old school and only sell pregnancy tests you take no sooner than the day you miss your period.  Eddie Vedder’s lyrics “The waiting drove me mad!” echo through my veins.

Body: Normally, I feel a sort of sharp twinge in my ovary when I ovulate each month.  I didn’t feel it this time.  And George and I didn’t bother trying to track it with any sort of contraption or whatever people use… like before, we are just winging it.  Today, oddly enough, I feel “the ovulation twinge” and an intermittent feeling in my uterus/lower back like my period is coming… today, though it’s not due to start for 4 or 5 more days.  I’ve had waves of nausea the last few days as well.  I went diving in Saba this weekend with a girlfriend and started to feel sea sick on the ferry on the way back to St. Maarten.  Me, sea sick?  Not a very common thing for me, especially when the boat is moving.  As a matter of fact, I’m a bit nauseous right now and I’m sitting at a desk on land!  I just finished lunch, literally just took the last bite of my organic homemade whole wheat toasted cheese sandwich with vegan organic “butter” and fresh organic cucumber slices shoved between the gooeyness.  Yes, cucumbers… coupled with a small bowl of organic vanilla yogurt washed down with a glass of unsweetened vanilla almond milk.  I really wanted an organic peanut butter and banana sandwich with almond milk, but to my surprise, when I opened the fridge, the peanut butter was missing, eaten right out from under my nose.  Sneaky bastards. (I mean that in the kindest way) ;-)

Spirit: Although I value a good book in hand, I’ve been obsessed with audio books lately.  When you travel as much as we do, an audio book verses a real book seriously lightens up your load.  Especially when you are a freak like me “reading” four or more nonfiction books at the same time.  I recently finished two books by Caroline Myss “Your Primal Nature” and “Energy Anatomy”, I’m currently listening to “French for Dummies”, and I’m on my second round of Rhonda Byrne’s “The Power”.  Although each one of these books has given me great insight, the most powerful in a most peaceful way is the audio book I’m half way through now, “How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life” by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.  “What is our human value when we live with no show of compassion, no show of concern, just killing and eating animals, and fighting and killing thousands of people? It is our responsibility to clean up the mess.” – His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is so peaceful, soft, kind, compassionate, tolerant… I am inspired, strongly into practicing this ultimate compassion.  A daily practice, a constant practice, is the way.  Refraining from eating animals, from consuming too much, focus on balance, awareness, daily meditation, living in the now, this is my passion, my pregnancy practice and beyond… 

Ok, so I couldn’t help it… in the spirit of living in the now … I just took the pregnancy test 4 days before my period is even due.  Are we pregnant?  What do you think?